Chicago Shady Dealer

After Dropping Out of Democratic Primary, Mayor Pete Sees Rise In Black Support

“This is the first good decision he’s made on behalf of the black community,” said longtime Hyde Parker Marshall Jackson. “Now that he’s out of the race, I could see myself giving him a second chance.”


Controversy in his home city of South Bend, Indiana for his firing of a black police chief and not doing enough for the black community followed Mayor Pete.


“Maybe if he spent as much time talking about reparations and ending police violence as he did about ‘future former Republicans’, he wouldn’t have to drop out,” said fellow Hyde Parker Amisha Thompson. “Not that big a loss – he was running to be someone’s vice president anyway. I’ll vote for him for VP, cause everyone knows VPs do jack shit.” 


With Pete Buttigieg’s dropout, the number of centrist, unqualified, problematic mayors in the race dropped down to one, former NYC mayor Mike Bloomberg. His campaign wished Pete Buttigieg well and thanked him for a hard-fought battle for the nomination.


“With Mayor Pete out, I look forward to convincing every black person outside of New York City that my tenure wasn’t actually that bad. The only way to counter Trump’s conservative plutocracy is with my Iiberal plutocracy,” said Bloomberg at an event in the Super Tuesday state of Texas. “I will fight for this nomination! I promise to have at least one embarrassing conversation leaked a day, consistently lie, and gloss over my multitude of personal and political legal troubles in an attempt to prove I am nothing like Donald Trump.”

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