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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    UChicago Clarifies That Indoor Mask Policy Does Not Apply to Hot People

    Jacob Halabe / October 25, 2021
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer,  Favorites

    Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

    Donny Berger / October 24, 2021
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Grimes Rebounds with Sosc Professor

    Isabelle Balaban / October 21, 2021
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Op-Ed: Here’s Why I Applied to an Assistant Professorship at Booth as an Undergrad

    Luke Laurence / October 14, 2021
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Three Ways to Definitely Get Into the Blue Chips

    Brad / October 13, 2021
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Local Dad “Doing His Own Research” on COVID Vaccination Nabs NIH Grant

    Drew Landrowski / October 12, 2021
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Give Us Your Credit Card Number and We’ll Tell You About Our New Jetski

    Doug / October 11, 2021
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Guy in Practice Room Humored by Neighbor’s Feeble Attempt At Music

    Jillian Amsler / October 7, 2021
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Red October: Wellness Czar Overthrown by Bolsheviks in House Council Election

    Nadezhda “Kay” Krupskaya / October 5, 2021
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Op-Ed: Stext and the City: Stacks Are Not-So-Secret Haven for Desperate Undergrads 

    Karrie “Kay” Bradshaw / October 4, 2021
    read more
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