Chicago Shady Dealer

Four Ways to Definitely Get Into the Blue Chips

Let’s face it. The Blue Chips is one of the only organizations on campus actually worth being a part of. Doing any other RSO is a waste of time, which is why your lesser peers won’t be the ones that get that Goldman internship. To be fair, neither will you – unless you heed this advice carefully. It’ll only determine the trajectory of your entire life, no biggie.

  1. Make a sacrifice to the botany pond ducks. You must acquire three seeds of a kumquat, an ounce of your own blood, one feather from Phil the Phoenix, and a doritos locos taco. Present these to the botany pond ducks on a night when mercury is in retrograde, and tell the ducks “The godfather sends his regards.”
  2. Come to Harper 145 on Sundays at 7pm. This is a little known secret, but to get into the Blue Chips you have to get invited to a secret meeting on Sundays, but I’ll let you in on this for free. Pretty similar to the secret “future presidents” clubs at Harvard. I could be lying, but if you don’t get into the Blue Chips, you’ll wish you had listened to me.
  3. Give great head to the right person. You might not be smart, but if you can give great head, you’ll go far in life.
  4. Provide the author of this article with $5000 in traveler’s checks.

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