Campus Life

RH Family Adopts Dog “To Rub it in Students’ Faces”

WOODLAWN — Lieu House RHs Nicholas and Cassandra Dininghall (no relation) have reportedly adopted a young schnauzer, Fluffball, as a house pet “just because the students can’t”.

“The students aren’t allowed to own pets, so we thought we’d lord it over them by adopting a lovable, huggable puppy,” said Nicholas. “We’re showing dominance, which is really important to us as RHs. We possess what the students desire. They are nothing compared to us. He’s also adorable and eats cheese in a really funny way.”

Reactions to the new house pet have been negative. “Sure, Fluffball is semi-adorable,” conceded one student, “but every time he comes over to the house table the RHs start pointing at individual students and declaring them ‘dogless scum.’ It kinda kills the mood.”

Early reports indicate the Dininghalls are thrilled with the success of their student-enraging scheme, and are in the early stages of planning a follow-up act. “We’re trying to have children,” Cassandra remarked. “That’ll really remind them that it’s just our job to like them, and they’ll never be anything close to family. ”