SAIEH HALL — The Kenneth C. Griffin Department of Economics recently announced that they will no longer require undergraduates on the Business track to complete a “compassion” competency requirement. This comes after a long series of complaints given by recent employers that UChicago students just had “far too many morals” and “it was getting in the way of good business”.
This change is not the first to the B.A. in Economics with Specialization in Business Economics program at the University. The track originally forced students to take one math class and learn another Romance language as a way to graduating, but after protest from the parents of Econ students, these requirements were rescinded. Similarly, in 2020, the University changed all academic calendars to nine-week quarters to make Econ students more competitive for summer internships paying 30-50k in eight weeks.
“The purpose of this change,” said Prof. Allen Sanderson, “is to allow Econ students a head start on losing all sense of morality. When you work in finance, so-called ‘empathy’ or ‘humanity’ tends to hold those with promising careers back. . You should be focused on how soon you can buy that solid-gold suit and diamond nipple piercings”.