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Golden Retriever Boys Out, Indeterminate Terrier Mix Boys In Says New Poll
Indeterminate terrier mix boys led the polls, closely followed by Doberman-Chihuahua boys. “I’m so sick of the weaponized incompetence. Why are you in Physics for Future Presidents? You’re literally a physics major!?” said…
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RH’s Dog Overwhelmed From the Weight of Every Student’s Mental Well-Being
“It’s just too much of an emotional burden,” Lulu told the Dealer, “This one guy literally started sobbing when I let him rub my tummy. I may be cute, but that’s just not…
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University Initiates Book Drive for Local Elementary School
When asked about the book drive program, one parent responded, “Wait, they’re selling the books, right? For money? And then they’re giving us the money. Right?” The parent expressed disappointment upon being provided…
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Disaster Strikes! Kid You Hate Still Goes Here
Realistically, the dream that he would leave the school, or at least get thrown out the door of a plane, was unlikely. But did he really have to spawn right here, right now?…
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Classmates Who Voted Kevin McCarthy “Most Likely to Succeed” Express Chagrin
In a statement published shortly after the vote, more than two hundred members of the Bakersfield High School Class of 1983 wrote that the dramatic turn of events had left them with “egg…
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UCPD Arrests Peaceful Protesters: “The ‘Free Speech’ Thing Stops After 5:30”
This Thursday, UCPD arrested 25 students and two faculty members engaging in a peaceful sit-in inside Rosenwald. UChicago has long been a champion of free speech, except when it occurs after 5:30pm. In…
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10 Things to Say When Someone Asks What You Did This Summer
5. “I tried to apply for jobs but I spilled a huge cup of Dr. Pepper on my laptop.” Might as well be honest.
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“Record-breaking” O-Mance Lasts an Astonishing 2 Weeks
Summers concurred, “I’ll always cherish the days I spent with Kyle – from the time we were making out and our teeth accidentally clicked against each other, to the other time we were…
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7 Things to Post on Your Insta Story to Let Your High School Friends Know You Go to Alcohol Parties Now
4- Drinking a single White Claw in the house lounge with the caption “menace hours” This isn’t like high school menace hours; this is menace hours with White Claw Hard Seltzer Surge: Natural…
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First Year Earns Respect of School by Beating Up Biggest Guy on the Quad
Edwards reportedly approached Poundsmith and declared, “I’m the coolest kid in school now. I’m the big cheese,” before striking him in the jaw. According to witnesses, Edwards subsequently made Poundsmith eat a bug.…
