• MEETING INFO: Thursdays, 6 pm, Harper 145.
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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

read more
November 30, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

read more
October 24, 2021
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
  • Campus Life

    UChicago Accidentally Sugars Campus Sidewalks Instead of Salting Them

    Sheep A. Doodle / March 21, 2025
    read more
  • Politics

    RFK Jr. Launches Promotional Tour for Polio: “It’s Really Not That Bad!”

    Lydia Osborn / March 20, 2025
    read more
  • Scientific Excellence

    Nation Distraught as Scientists Say Blue Apples Won’t Be Available Until 2029

    Elliot Florack / March 19, 2025
    read more
  • Politics

    Trump Tells Obama He’s “Not Looking for Anything Serious” as Relationship Rumors Swirl

    Jacob Halabe and 1 more / March 18, 2025
    read more
  • Scientific Excellence

    Climate Scientists Urge Public to Stop Eating Ice Caps

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / March 17, 2025
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Freshman Discovers New Theorem Explaining Why You Always See Your Opps in A-Level

    Malhar Manek / March 16, 2025
    read more
  • Campus Life

    UChicago Launches Puppy Killing Prevention Institute, Funded by John D. PuppyKiller

    Samy Kouidri / March 15, 2025
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Breaking News: North Resident Transferred to I-House

    Andrea Zhou / March 14, 2025
    read more
  • Campus Life

    “Who is Dean Boyer?” asks confused First Year

    Justin Bilenker / March 13, 2025
    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    People Magazine Reports No Celebrities Have Drama This Week

    R.E. Stern and 1 more / March 12, 2025
    read more
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