Twelve Ways to React When Someone Says Something You Disagree With in Class
Being in a class at college is a lot of fun. You get to read lots of words and sit around for a while listening to other people say more words and even sometimes say a few words yourself.
Unfortunately, however, sometimes the words are bad. Sometimes they’re arranged in such a way as to express a thought that’s wrong and that you don’t like. If you’re like me, you’ve spent many sleepless nights wondering what you can do when a thing like this happens. Luckily, after consuming what would for a normal person be a dangerous quantity of psychoactive drugs, I’ve determined the twelve ways you can respond to a classmate who says something stupid. Keep in mind that these are the only twelve ways. Please don’t try another one.
- Sneeze. A lot.
Sneezing will make the person wonder if what they’ve said is a sort of verbal pollutant. If your classmates are sympathetic sneezers, this jackass will be confronted by a whole chorus of sneezers, making the question of whether they’ll shut the fuck up a matter of public health.
- Say, “I don’t agree with what you just said.”
This works because it’s true. You don’t agree with what they just said.
- Say, “Get a load of this guy!”
This guy will feel like such a chump.
- Gasp.
As with the sneezing, the hope here is that you’ll set off a domino chain of gasping that will make your opponent feel they’ve really fucked up.
- Stand up, walk across the room, and pound your head against the wall. I mean, really go for it. If you do it right you may even be able to forget what was just said.
- Say, “That was a stupid thing you just said. God, that was stupid. If I said something as dumb as that… buddy, I don’t even know.”
This one is self-explanatory.
- Roll your eyes and go, “Eugh!”
You could also go, “Ugh!” or “Hmph” or even “Oh, brother!”
- Scream.
Screaming will clearly communicate that you don’t like what’s occurring.
- Spread your arms wide and cry out, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?”
This is perfect if your classmate is Catholic and/or fluent in Aramaic.
- Snap a red pen in half and let the ink drip all over your face, saying, “The blood of the damned replenishes my soul!”
They won’t know what to say to this one.
- Rise to your feet and yell, “I won’t allow you to deface Professor Galovich’s classroom with that trash! You’re done! Do you hear me? You’re DONE.”
Professor Galovich will really appreciate this.
- Punch them.
Violence solves all.
Griffin is co-editor-in-chief for this paper, and was born early in the morning.
