By Militides, son of Lycurgus/ The Pantheon Feb. 1, 2015 Prayer: The World is Flat. By Militides, son of Lycurgus Oh Lords of the earth and sky, dwellers of the shimmering heavens and…

By Chris Deakin Feb. 4, 2013 Check this out: kids are all about this new Minecraft thing. Have you seen this? Hold your horses, I’ll tell you, gosh. So what it’s all about…

By Mark Trietal Aug. 17, 2017 University officials are reporting overfull classrooms, teacher shortages, and general panic after finding that every member of the class of 2021 has registered for honors analysis. “At…

By Breck Radulovic March 2, 2016 Thomas Jefferson Middle School has seen the development of a new clique in recent weeks. Styling themselves as “Super Tuesday,” the group of spiteful and exclusionary middle…

By Sam Buck and Hannah Flynn Nov. 16, 2014 First-year student Sandy Livingston was awestruck on meeting roommate Mindy Belindi’s father this past Thanksgiving break. Livingston claims her roommate’s father is the first…

By Nora Helfand Oct. 21, 2012 Hollywood power couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie announced Sunday that they would be adopting a child from a remote locale: University of Chicago’s Broadview residence hall.…

By The DNC March 9, 2017 November was an absolute shellacking. We now only have six states with both Democratic governors and state legislatures. Now that Tom Perez has won the DNC Chairmanship,…

By Morgan Pantuck Jan. 13, 2016 Here at the Dealer, we don’t subscribe to the notion that there’s only one type of physical beauty. We think all women can find things to hate…

By Walker King April 20, 2014 Pope Francis made a series of campaign appearances yesterday throughout the Vatican, strongly reaffirming his commitment to seeking the youth vote in the impending Papal election, where…

By Patrick Sheehan Nov. 2, 2018 Citing the success of his last “micro-donation,” Max Palevsky has decided to devote another fifteen dollars to open a new complex of dormitories at UChicago. President Zimmer,…