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Students Collect Oral History of Frontline Workers During Pandemic
The oral history tracks the dental health and oral hygiene of a selected group of UChicago Medicine patients through weekly interviews. “I’d ask someone to report to me about their molars and we’d…
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344 Days of Isolation: The Dealer’s COVID Retrospective
Today, the Shady Dealer is proud to be the very first UChicago publication to release a coronavirus retrospective issue. We’d like to stress that all of the content in our retrospective is 100%…
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Angry Patriots Fans Revoke Standing Offer to Suck Tom Brady’s Dick, But We Haven’t
Several irate Patriots fans, livid after the appearance of Tom Brady in a Tampa Bay Buccaneers uniform at Super Bowl LV, have retracted their standing offers to perform oral sex on the quarterback…
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CANDIDATE Wins Presidency
The Dealer decision desk has a projection to make: NAME was elected ORDINAL NUMBER President of the United States last night, winning NUMBER electoral votes, compared to NUMBER votes for NAME.
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Letter: There’s Always Spring Quarter
We know that two quarters in a row of distance learning isn't how you planned to start your time in college. You wanted to spend Orientation Week with several dozen of your newest…
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Fuck It, We’re Launching a Data Journalism Site
They said it couldn’t be done. They said it was logistically impossible—we were “students” with “work to get done”. They said we were just a “minor college humor magazine” and that we “didn’t…
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13 Things This Ominous Timer Could Be Counting Down To
{{CODE}} 00 : 00 : 00 : 00 days hrs mins secs The election (if you thought it was on Nov. 3, you’re wrong, get to voting, dumbass) Your parents’ divorce The…
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UChicago Student: “Will There Be A Curve on the COVID Test?”
Hyde Park — In the hyper-competitive culture of the University, students are quickly finding ways to cheat on COVID tests. Rumors say that UChicago’s Greek life organizations have stockpiled copies of old tests…
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Volume 16 Issue 5
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How to Look Less Delicious to Your Roommate
Don’t shower. Given that you haven’t gone outside in the past two weeks and haven’t seen anyone, this one might already be a given. Showering removes your body’s natural oils and “funk,” if…
