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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
  • Campus Life

    Student killed by Roommate’s Anthropomorphic Lamp

    Alexa Walsh / March 29, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life

    The Three Sub-Schools of UChicago

    Judge M. Ental / March 28, 2026
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Bowls of Adderall Labeled “Don’t Do It ;)” Found Across Campus

    Clara Pressey / March 15, 2026
    read more
  • Oh the Places You'll Go!,  Politics

    Trump creates “Random Gender Generator” to replace X markers on passports

    Vivian Psylos / March 14, 2026
    read more
  • Sex and Love

    Point: I would love you if you turned into a worm/Counterpoint: I would not love you if you turned into a worm

    Andrea (point), Zhou (counter) / March 13, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Oh the Places You'll Go!

    Top Five Foods to Try… Er, Tables to Visit at the Study Abroad Fair

    Katherine Timm / March 12, 2026
    read more
  • Issues,  Scientific Excellence

    Alphabet Ct De to Bdget Crisis

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / March 11, 2026
    read more
  • 8=Democracy,  Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism,  Politics

    Deal of the Century! “Functional Government” Listed on Black Friday Sale for $54.99

    Kelly and RE / March 10, 2026
    read more
  • Lifestyle,  Sex and Love

    Join Singe

    Lauren Liu / March 9, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Lifestyle

    Wet Socks Make Students More Productive, Says Designer of the Sidewalk Outside Cobb Hall

    Pauline Singer / March 8, 2026
    read more
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German AfD Party Promises Not to Reanimate A Certain Austrian Corpse

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