• MEETING INFO: Thursdays, 6 pm, Harper 145.
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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

read more
November 30, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

read more
April 19, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

read more
November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

read more
October 24, 2021
  • Issues,  Politics

    CTA Transit Bill Stalls Over Whether Chartreuse or Magenta Is Better Name for Line

    Katherine Timm / January 17, 2026
    read more
  • Lifestyle,  Sex and Love

    Point: I Want a Situationship / Counterpoint: I Think I’m in Love with Her

    Ina Lough / January 16, 2026
    read more
  • 8=Democracy,  Politics

    I only know Jeffrey, WHO THE FUCK IS MARK EPSTEIN?

    Vivian Psylos / January 15, 2026
    read more
  • Issues

    6 moral systems that say it’s okay for me to work for Raytheon

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / January 14, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Shady Dealer Discovers The Lair

    Liam Horton / January 11, 2026
    read more
  • World Affairs

    Point: Someday, you’ll be forgotten by history / Counterpoint: I sold some really bad copper

    Ea-nāṣir / January 3, 2026
    read more
  • Politics

    Andrew Cuomo announces 2028 presidential campaign

    Justin Bilenker / January 2, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Heists are back baby! Let’s steal the haunted amulet in the basement of Mansueto

    Pauline Singer / December 31, 2025
    read more
  • Sports

    Confused Animal Rights Group seen protesting outside NFL HQ after Bad Bunny announcement

    Alexa Walsh / December 30, 2025
    read more
  • Campus Life

    Religious Studies Class Taught by Pope Leo XIV Cancelled Due to Federal Cuts

    Chase Teichholz / December 29, 2025
    read more
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