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Kids That Would Have Gone Wild in College Still Trying to Go Wild Over Quarantine
The University of Chicago has opted to allow students the option of distance learning for the Autumn 2020 quarter, stranding many students with overprotective parents and giving students a desperate and immediate need…
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First-Year Accidentally Uses The Odyssey as a Travel Guide
This year, the College prepared some special programming for first-years, such as several active learning experiences to convey the cultural impact of the various books they read in Hum classes. One first-year, however,…
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Class of 2024 First-Ever Not to Know Which Direction Is North
HYDE PARK, BUT NOT REALLY – For the first time in its history, the majority of the incoming class at the University of Chicago could not determine which way was north on a…
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Overachiever Who Watches All Orientation Materials Becomes God Emperor
In yet another turn of events during an already untraditional O-Week, one first year who actually watched all the orientation videos is now inundated with so much knowledge that he has become a…
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Coronavirus isn’t a big deal, it’ll be gone by Easter, I’ll be right eventually, it is what it is; Trump Contracts Coronavirus
From the bottom of our hearts, we, the Editorial Staff at the Chicago Shady Dealer, have only this to say: wow, what a BORE this year has been. Truly, how uneventful. It started…
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Last Night’s Presidential Debate Was A Terrible Romantic Comedy
As a self described film-enthusiast, I’ve seen my fair share of romantic comedies, affectionately known as romcoms. From 50 First Dates to Love, Actually, I’ve damn near seen it all, so you can…
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Fuck It, We’re Launching a Data Journalism Site
They said it couldn’t be done. They said it was logistically impossible—we were “students” with “work to get done”. They said we were just a “minor college humor magazine” and that we “didn’t…
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We Asked Each State’s Residents Who They Were Voting For. Here’s What They Told Us.
Collecting national polling results, and filtering out for the ones that had words instead of big numbers, gave us the following easy to follow and mostly accurate polling results. Nate Silver himself rated…
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It’s Your God-Given Right to Overreact to the FiveThirtyEight Election Forecast
With political candidates in today’s 24-hour news cycle, it’s less “what have you done for me?” and more “what have you done for me lately?” Who cares which political candidate is best for…
