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We Asked Each State’s Residents Who They Were Voting For. Here’s What They Told Us.
Collecting national polling results, and filtering out for the ones that had words instead of big numbers, gave us the following easy to follow and mostly accurate polling results. Nate Silver himself rated…
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It’s Your God-Given Right to Overreact to the FiveThirtyEight Election Forecast
With political candidates in today’s 24-hour news cycle, it’s less “what have you done for me?” and more “what have you done for me lately?” Who cares which political candidate is best for…
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In 2020, Which Issues are UChicago Students Most Concerned About?
We decided that it was time to leave the dark cramped maintenance closet of our headquarters and hit the streets and see what the people had to say about the key issues this…
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Getting Starting: Five Things I Learned from Online Orientation
The College rolled out some shiny, new orientation programming this year, to the delight of us first-years. And those online Canvas/EverFi modules didn’t disappoint — our Phase I orientation experience was practically a…
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Law School Introduces “Accelerated Graduation Plan” for Future Justices
CHICAGO — In an unprecedented move, University of Chicago Law School Dean Thomas J. Miles announced today that the law school is introducing a new “accelerated graduation plan” for law school students with “strong…
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13 Things This Ominous Timer Could Be Counting Down To
00 : 00 : 00 : 00 days hrs mins secs The election (if you thought it was on Nov. 3, you’re wrong, get to voting, dumbass) Your parents’ divorce The next…
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Shady Dealer Accepts Nell Rydzewski in Baffling Strategic Move
Let’s face it. 2020 possesses all of the charm of an overly affectionate leech: sure, we know its intentions are good, but warm, fuzzy feelings do nothing to stop a blackout from blood…
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What Thought Will the Chicago Thinker Think Next?
How did I get here? Do taller people always have bigger feet? How do I work this? If the floor’s made out of floor, is the roof made out of roof? Where is…
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Point: Students Who Catch COVID Should Be Sent to Stony Island. Counterpoint: Safe Spaces are Bad
Point: Students Who Catch COVID Should Be Sent to Stony Island By Provost Ka Yee C. Lee, August 2020 Public health guidelines call for anyone who has tested positive for COVID-19 to be…
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UChicago Student: “Will There Be A Curve on the COVID Test?”
Hyde Park — In the hyper-competitive culture of the University, students are quickly finding ways to cheat on COVID tests. Rumors say that UChicago’s Greek life organizations have stockpiled copies of old tests…
