-
How to Ride a Llama
Find a llama. Choose a llama that is appropriate for you based on height and weight. Make sure the llama has a reputation for being friendly and cooperative. Mount your llama. If…
-
-
Student Swears She’s Not a Bad Person, Just Busy and Tired
Suzanne Walker, a third-year, was discovered by the Shady Dealer investigative team to be “actually a very sweet person,” despite having been pronounced a “flaky antisocial gunner” by her ex-friend Kathlyn Graeber. According…
-
David Axelrod Stands in Door of IOP Office with Forlorn Look, Waits for Someone to Beg Him to Stay
Earlier this morning, a man who turned his brief professional relationship with Barak Obama into semi-successful political podcast career announced he would be stepping down as director of IOP. He assured three zealous…
-
Institute of Politics Shares What Black History Means to White People
“We felt it was very important to center Black voices. And what better way to center Black voices than to ask a white person how they feel?” said an IOP spokesperson.
-
Night Owls: Will It Be Cold This Winter?
In exclusive, never before seen footage, the Dealer sits down with Agnes Callard to discuss whether or not we can expect it to be cold this Winter, among other things.
-
The Halftime Show Was Good, But Where Was Jason Mraz?
The halftime show was great. Don’t get me wrong. Amazing rappers I’ve loved my whole life, not to mention with the incomparable Mary J. Blige, teaming up for a performance I couldn’t dream…
-
Imagine if we matched on datamatch haha jk unless?
So like, wouldn’t it be like totally crazy 💫😜 if we matched on datamatch 😂😂? Like that would be sooooo weird since we’re such good friends 💙👫 haha 😜😂. Like obviously we’d never…
-
3 Sex Poems from My Poetry Workshop That Scream “I’m a Virgin”
When I signed up for this poetry workshop, I had no idea that the people in it would be so horny — or so repressed. Somehow, every single poem submitted has been explicitly…
-
New Study Finds That Only 25% of Your Friends Like You
A recent study published in the Chicago Review of Sociology found that only a small fraction of your friends actually like you, with barely a fourth of your close contacts and loved ones…
