Oh Boys! Kevin Abstract Debuts Completely New Boy Band Also Called Brockhampton
“Brockhampton,” named after the Texas town where they met, features fellow youngsters Merlyn Wood, Joba, Bearface, and the cryogenically frozen head of John Lennon.
MLA Edition 10 – 2022 Update
Stale prose, no more; now poetry, galore And lines with double spaces we ignore
History PhD Candidate Realizes Zachary Taylor “Not Interesting,” Starts Thesis from Scratch
"If I’m dedicating a good chunk of my life to writing about someone else, they should be someone who didn’t lose the party’s nomination to John J. Crittenden."
Op-Ed: Sharknado Was the Last Great Literary Achievement
This may sound like a baseless claim, but the numbers back it up. Literally everybody we surveyed (which was a lot of people, by the way) said they’d rather watch all of the…
Rockefeller Chapel Bells Now Exclusively Play for When BeReal Notification Is Sent
In a recent statement, Dean of Students Michelle Rassmussen wrote, “I’m sick and tired of students posting their BeReals hours after when the notification was sent out. Students are disobeying the purpose of…
Dealer Investigates: How Many 4pm Cigarettes Outside the Reg Does It Take to Write The Great American Novel?
He’s agreed to put a brief pause in his literary machinations to speak to the Dealer, since, in his words, “this interview will be important in five years. I’ll be published then.”
How Tall Was Jesus Christ? We Asked Every Academic Department
We built a really big neural network to predict people’s heights based on their faces, trained it on images of humans, and it told us that Jesus was either 3’2” or a golden…
House Movie Night Just Sex Scene from Mulholland Drive
“I like to think that Behar house has always appreciated the highest class of film, and as such, we wanted to pick something that would engage our residents."
Coming to Disney+ in 2027: The Unbelievable True Story of the Man Who Trained Birds to Sell Opioids
Disney+ has yet to release the series, but the Washington Post has already called it “unexpected” and “probably a financial disaster,” adding that “the line of McDonald’s Happy Meal toys containing actual opioids…
3 Sex Poems from My Poetry Workshop That Scream “I’m a Virgin”
When I signed up for this poetry workshop, I had no idea that the people in it would be so horny — or so repressed. Somehow, every single poem submitted has been explicitly…