Study Finds Bite Magazine Not Edible
A new report from the Journal of the Human Dietary, found that UChicago’s most prominent culinary magazine is not edible. The study, published last Wednesday, used over 300 “community testers.”
The experiment was organized by Dr. Menlow, a UChicago biologist with a revoked medical license. Participants were promised Amazon gift cards and were asked to show up to the weird, crappy basement of his apartment complex.
Students reportedly ate at least 30 different issues of the publication and found that none possessed any nutritional value. Community testers reflected on their experience, saying variations of, “This is the worst I’ve felt in my life, ever. Like, worse than when my childhood chihuahua died,” or, “Oh God, I just ate so much paper.”
In a conversation with the Dealer, the president of Bite Magazine responded to the study with “Wait, what happened? Who is this guy?” and “Obviously you’re not supposed to eat the magazine. What the fuck.”
Correction: An earlier version of this article claimed that this report was “published in a journal.” However, new evidence suggests that Dr. Menlow was rejected from all academic publications, and so instead printed out flyers and placed them in every biology textbook at the Reg.
Maisie. Maisie is a copy editor and a staff writer. Like a well-maintained orchid, Maisie will live indefinitely. "Reach for the stars, kid." -Maisie Thompson
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