-
Why is the Trolley Problem On My Econ P-Set, and What Did Y’all Get?
On the one hand, 40 minutes is a lot of time, time that could be spent improving the PowerPoint I’m gonna use to fire my unpaid intern Jenny.
-
3 Sex Poems from My Poetry Workshop That Scream “I’m a Virgin”
When I signed up for this poetry workshop, I had no idea that the people in it would be so horny — or so repressed. Somehow, every single poem submitted has been explicitly…
-
Heartbreaking: Child in Mongolia Doesn’t Know Who Nestor Is
The University of Chicago community was shocked Monday after reports surfaced that a six-year-old child from a village in northern Mongolia is unaware of the existence of Nestor the Midway Cat. Nestor the…
-
Pluto Becomes Planet Again after Quarantine Weight Gain
After a long stint of exclusion from planetary classification, Pluto has finally put on enough weight to qualify as a planet. Its weight gain results largely from a breakdown of daily habits and…
-
New Admissions Essay Prompts To Produce the Worst Roommates You’ll Ever Have
“We were a little disappointed with last year’s haul,” admitted Jim Nondorf, Dean of Admissions. “This time, I know we’ve got it right. These prompts are specially designed to find the people who…
-
The Shady Dealer Interviews the Thrive Slate
Two weeks after the Student Government election, we sat down with Parul Kumar and Natalie Wang of the Thrive slate to determine if they were worthy of our endorsement.
-
To Combat Talks of a Meatless Future, Undergrads Create Culinary Magazine The Chicago Carnivore, Promise to Uphold Chicago Principles of Slaughtering Cattle by the Millions
Everyone on campus has been talking about the future of meat in our food - Burger King’s Impossible Whopper is now a mainstay item on their menu, Taco Bell serves a Beyond Sausage…
-
I’m an Alpha Delt Pledge and You’re a Loser
I’ve spent my life until this point looking for people as cool as me. I was the coolest kid in high school, even if no one else thought so. I had my lunch…
-
Michele Rasmussen Declares That Frat Parties Are “Not Poggers” in Attempt to Connect with Youth
Michele Rasmussen, in a strange yet brave attempt to quell the spread of COVID-19, released a statement today declaring that frat parties were indeed “not poggers.”
-
Frats Release Statement: “Hey Look, A Cool Bird!”
In the wake of the University’s announcement that campus would be entering a second lockdown of the quarter, a group of UChicago fraternities released a statement.
