• MEETING INFO: Thursdays, 6 pm, Harper 145.
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  • MEETING INFO: Thursdays, 6 pm, Harper 145.

Masthead

Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

read more
November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

read more
November 30, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

read more
April 19, 2021
  • Arts & Culture,  Campus Life

    Analyzing Melina Hale’s Welcome Video for Avant-Garde Sensibilities

    Katherine Timm / May 22, 2026
    read more
  • Arts & Culture,  Lifestyle

    It’s Springtime! Flowers to Sniff, Poke, and Potentially Buy

    Andrea Zhou / May 21, 2026
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Duo Authentication Requires New Blood, Urine, and STD Test Sample to Verify Identity; Most People Fail

    Antonia Romm / May 20, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Issues

    Maroon Wins Pulitzer Prize for “Courageous” Reporting on Reg Bathroom Closure

    Katherine Timm / May 19, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism,  World Affairs

    Odyssey Scholars Program replaced by David Rubenstein Sugar Baby Program

    Vivian Psylos / May 18, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Issues

    An Open Letter to My Professors: If Congress Can Take a Vacation When They Have Work to Do, Why Can’t I?

    Katherine Timm / May 17, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Lifestyle

    Point: Dining halls should strive to incorporate healthier cereals. Counterpoint: You can pry the Lucky Charms out of my cold, dead hands, bitch!

    Pauline Singer / May 16, 2026
    read more
  • Politics

    President Trump Declared Dead after Not Posting on Truth Social for 5 Seconds

    Shayaan Gandhi / May 15, 2026
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Sorry! The Required Class for Your Major is Only Available to Fourth-Years with at Least Two Dead Parents.

    Jack Segil / May 14, 2026
    read more
  • Lifestyle,  Oh the Places You'll Go!

    Millions of Souls Stuck in Limbo as Heaven Undergoes Maintenance

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / May 13, 2026
    read more
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