The Chicago Shady Dealer
  • Home
  • Our Work
  • About
  • Previous Issues
  • Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
  • Contact
  • Home
  • Our Work
  • About
  • Previous Issues
  • Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
  • Contact

Masthead

Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

read more
November 30, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

read more
December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

read more
October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

read more
November 16, 2020
  • Historical Issue,  Internships & Jobs & The Hard Reality of Modern Capitalism

    Mourning The Molassacre

    Ethanol Jr. / June 30, 2026
    read more
  • Historical Issue,  Politics

    Ten Tips For A Tremendous Triumphant Assasination

    Anonymous / June 29, 2026
    read more
  • Historical Issue,  Issues

    Well Intentioned Abolitionist Seen Digging Tunnel from Maine to Canada, Directionally Challenged?

    Shayaan Gandhi / June 28, 2026
    read more
  • Historical Issue,  Politics

    Benedict Arnold Emerges as Favorite to Win “Best Continental Army General of the Year”

    Humphrey Ploughjogger / June 27, 2026
    read more
  • Historical Issue,  Literary Happenings

    Local Serialized Novel Enters Five Hundred and Seventh Chapter

    Elizabeth Scribblesby / June 26, 2026
    read more
  • Historical Issue,  World Affairs

    Point: It Is the Best of Times / Counterpoint: It Is the Worst of Times

    Nick Stryver (point), Jacques 1 (counterpoint) / June 25, 2026
    read more
  • Historical Issue,  Lifestyle

    Charlatan Accused of Selling Fake Tulips Found Hiding Buckets of Paint Behind a Windmill

    Pauline Singer / June 24, 2026
    read more
  • Politics,  World Affairs

    Trump Vows War to Last No More than 6 Weeks/5 Minutes/17 Years

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / May 30, 2026
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Get Your my.UChicago Data Off the Dark Web in Five Easy Steps

    Katherine Timm / May 24, 2026
    read more
  • Campus Life,  Lifestyle

    Twelve Ways to React When Someone Says Something You Disagree With in Class

    Griffin Bonnin Jones / May 23, 2026
    read more
1234

Also in the News...

Mark Carney Responds to U.S. Threats: “You like that, motherfucker.”

Trump Pledges Two New Transformers to Israeli Defense

Democrat Donkey Accidentally Kicks Itself in the Balls

German AfD Party Promises Not to Reanimate A Certain Austrian Corpse

Chicago Shady Dealer

  • Home
  • Our Work
  • About
  • Previous Issues
  • Greatest Hits
  • Submissions
  • Contact

Categories

Archives

For Writers

  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.org
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
© 2026 Chicago Shady Dealer
Ashe Theme by WP Royal.