By Ryan Fleishman, 1840 Feb. 1, 2017 1840- My fellow citizens: I am proud to announce we are living in a post-racial America. That’s right;. aAfter decades on centuries of discrimination, we can…

By Helen Regenstein, 1951 Feb. 2, 2017 Hey, can I bitch to you for a little? I’ve been spending way too much time in the Reg lately, a. And I hate it. The…

By George Washington, 1789 Feb. 2, 2017 This article is for all the sexy women (and men!) out there with a little wood in their teeth that don’t wanna let that get in…

By Antonia Salisbury, 3760 B.C.E. Feb. 2, 2017 On the sixth day, God’s mom read him Jumanji by Chris Van Allsburg – and from this fever dream of a children’s book, Adam’s image…

By George Washington, 1789 Feb. 2, 2017 Look, I know my monument might be a little … underwhelming. Being the first president and all, I know you you guys probably expected the monument…

By David North, 2004 Feb. 3, 2017 2004– One month ago, applications went live for new campus organizations to vieye for official registration with the University. Along with this status comes tax exemption,…

By Ryan Fleishman, 2008 Feb. 5, 2017 I Should Really Get Into This Housing MarketAfter saving every extra penny I could make over the last 40 years of my life, I believe it…

By 21st Amendment, 1933 Feb. 5, 2017 CP: 21st Ammendment: Nooo, You’re Drunk!! Pshhhh. Me, dDrunk? I’m not drunk! You’re drunk! If I’m sooo drunk, then how come you’re the one spinning in…

By Dan Lastres Feb. 5, 2017 Arlington, VA 2023- Former President Obama attended a ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery today, dedicating the newly built Tomb of the Unknown Drone. The mood was somber…

By 18th Amendment, 1933 Feb. 5, 2017 P: 18th Ammendment: You’re Drunk Jesus Christ, 21st Amendment, you’re drunk. I told you that buying a handle of whiskey was a bad idea. How are…