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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Opinion: If You Eat Prosciutto, You Are No Longer a Member of the Proletariat

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Kellogg’s “Rasputin-O’s” Not Selling So Well in Russia

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Silver Lining: She Might Not Be President, But Hillary Clinton Is Our New IOP Fellow!

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Off-Campus Life

    Five Ways to Have a Great Girls Night In! (sponsored by New Target™ on 53rd)

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Everyone Has a Price. Mine Is Three Pickles.

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Ten Flavors of Chitterlings for Your Holiday Season

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Catholic Church Condemns Stem Cells as Tree Demons

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Provost’s Typo Blamed for Epidemic of Open Intercourse All over Campus

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    In Memoriam: 100 Safe Spaces We Lost This Year

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    How to Avoid Eye-Contact with Students Trying to Raise Money for Causes You Support

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
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