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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    United States Agree to Amicable Separation, Splits into Seven New Countries

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Tragedy Strikes! Area Woman Gouges Chapstick with Chapstick Cap

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Visiting Professor Revealed to Be Swarm of Locusts in Tweed Suit

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Study Confirms You’d Look Really Cool Cruising Around on that Longboard

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Move Over Fruitcake! People have a lot of questions about Soda Bread

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Opinion: Non-Biology Students Should Get to Do Dissections Too

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Texas School Lunches Add “Down-Home Pulled Pork BBQ” as Food Group

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Nose Goes

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Op-Ed: Why is Everyone in My Family Thankful for Greg Kinnear?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Bruce Wayne’s Wife Annoyed All Bruce Does Is Put “Bat” Before Existing Sex Position

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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