For better or for worse, human relationships have been altered by the COVID-19 pandemic. While some people’s relationships are accelerating as social circles become more limited, others are experiencing a more difficult shift in their love lives, otherwise known as the pandemic breakup. But if you find yourself in the process of a pandemic breakup, don’t fret — better times are just around the corner.

You may or may not have heard of this dude named Jean-Jacques Rousseau, who, according to Wikipedia, “was a Genevan philosopher, writer, and composer.” I certainly hadn’t until I took SOSC while microdosing acid. But let me tell you, dear person with a middle school reading level, he certainly had some interesting things to teach us about COVID-19.

Applying to college is stressful in the best of times, but for UChicago’s Class of 2025, the ongoing coronavirus pandemic added an additional level of stress to the process. The Dealer sat down with a few members of the class of 2025 to discuss how they navigated this unprecedented application cycle.

As the pandemic developed and we settled into remote living for the long haul, social life at UChicago changed significantly. Pretty quickly into the pandemic, two competing social structures had emerged: the Talkers and the Texters. But there's a better way.

Small businesses face a landscape forever altered as the first wave of economic disruption from the pandemic settles. To get a sense of how this is impacting our local businesses, the Dealer talked to several of Hyde Park’s best to see how they’re adapting to the pandemic.

The NFL spent an exorbitant amount of time and money to hold in-person activities and games in the months leading up to the season, culminating in the super bowl. If something as meaningless as football can do it, why can't UChicago?

"I just don't see the point of swimming back and forth alone in individual lanes in a way that in no way affects the performance of others also swimming alone in individual lanes which happen to be beside us, unless those others are there in those lanes, which happen to be beside us. I mean, what are we supposed to do -- just time ourselves and then compare results? What would the point of that be?"

The admissions department tried to tell me that even nerds like me could get laid at UChicago. As far as I’m concerned, that’s a legally enforceable contract. The University owes me a girlfriend, preferably a cute one, or I’ll sue for false advertising. My dad’s a lawyer — he’d do it.

Surprise, surprise — elderly folks have been doing elderly things during the pandemic, a new study from the University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center (NORC) finds. The study, which was conducted via faxed written questionnaires during December 2020, was released Tuesday.

“D-I players are so tall that it’s hard to see over them and find the D-III players,” said NCAA President Mark Emmert. “Take basketball, for example. Your average D-I center is 6’8” or taller. I’d have loved to be able to accommodate the D-III people in the back, but we just couldn’t find them.”