For better or for worse, human relationships have been altered by the COVID-19 pandemic. While some people’s relationships are accelerating as social circles become more limited, others are experiencing a more difficult shift in their love lives, otherwise known as the pandemic breakup. But if you find yourself in the process of a pandemic breakup, don’t fret — better times are just around the corner.
Wait, what? That’s not what I meant to type at all. I meant to say, you’re fucked. Why did that come out? Why does the headline of this piece say I’ll have an opportunity for growth? There’s nothing good about Alex leaving me — all she did was tear my heart to shreds and steal my phone charger.
Henry? Is that you? Are you on this Google Doc right now? You edit my piece after I write it, not during! I know, you’re the editor, you’re the boss, you can ‘fix’ my story whenever you want, but at least let me write it first.
No matter if you’re the dumper or dumpee, there’s nothing preventing you from using the hard-earned — or all-too-easily earned (if you’re the dumper) — lessons from your failed relationship for self-improvement.
Henry! Will you please shut up, man? I need this, okay? I need to write this, get it off my chest, I need to let it be known that she hurt me, okay? Changing this piece to make it more optimistic, that’s just insulting, dude.
You should be.
Now, where was I?