The credibility of the statement was called into question by representatives from the NLrB (the Nitrogen-Lawrencium-Boron Union), as the University is known to benefit from ions and other dissociated species.

It’s not like I haven’t tried to make it happen, either. I’ve dropped subtle hints — every time I walk through Reynolds, I make sure I’m looking my best.

I know you’ve been wanting to get drinks with me for a while, so like, you should totally come to the party with your mom ‘cause we’ll definitely have drinks. 

Josh, grab my phone and text that girl I’ve been talking to. Yeah, Ashley. Tell her to get over here. Tell her it’s the hill by Alex’s house.

The TA who gave you a bad grade last quarter: blockade the doorway and take a nap so they can’t get through.

By our calculations, the average UChicago student wastes three hours every day speaking out the names of various campus buildings in monotonous compliance.

Ever since I “stole” your “backpack” from “Calc 152” it’s been alllllll you’ve been wanting to talk about.

Onlookers observed as Rushmore tripped several other students, reportedly shouting, “I’m a very smart UChicago student. I need to get to class.”