Wow! Guy in Your CIV Class Really Can’t Solve That Crossword
COBB 115—Last Wednesday, students in Jewish Civilizations II observed an anonymous second-year working on a crossword for what can only be described as an extraordinary amount of time. “He wasn’t getting anything right,” said first-year Lara Bergan. “The clue was ‘black and white cookie’ and it was four letters. He stared at it for, like, ten minutes straight, just not putting it together. I was eating oreos right next to him. Come on.”
Witnesses reported that after struggling in vain with “Country South of Texas; starts with M,” he switched to puzzling out “JK Rowling Protagonist”, eleven letters, ending in T-T-E-R. Upon realizing that MAD HATTER didn’t fit, the second year reportedly switched to Connections, which so frustrated Lara that she kicked over a trash can.
When reached for comment, the anonymous second-year (Jason Wegman, Class of 2026, Han House) told the Dealer in confidentiality, “They’re meant to be hard. If you could win the game all the time then it wouldn’t be a game. Life is about winning and losing. Also I’m really hung over, I haven’t slept in 73 hours, and the last time I ate a vegetable was June. Please, please don’t publish this, you’re hitting a man while he’s down. I am trying my best.”
Correction: Jason Wegman lives in Boyer House, Room 819, not Han House. Also, upon publication The Dealer neglected to include his Social Security number, which is 418-41-1116.
Maisie. Maisie is a copy editor and a staff writer. Like a well-maintained orchid, Maisie will live indefinitely. "Reach for the stars, kid." -Maisie Thompson
