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Man Sues the Sun for $385 Million in Cancer Settlement
By Jacob Johnson Sept. 24, 2018 In an unprecedented legal action, Bay Area resident Thomas Harshburger filed a complaint today against none other than the Sun, the well-known star orbited by planet…
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Three Reasons You Should Write for Us (The Chicago Shady Dealer) Instead of Posting in the Meme Pages
By Deblina Mukherjee Sept. 24, 2018 1. When people ask if you peaked in college, you will be able to unambiguously answer, “No!” Ah, the thrill of posting memes regurgitated from Twitter and…
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Don’t Miss This Deal! Housing Offers Three Roommates for the Price of One
By Andy Hatem Sept. 24, 2018 Trying to decide if you should stay in housing next year? Check College Housing’s site for a deal you won’t want to miss! In the past,…
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Dear Dealer: How Do I Handle my Podcast-Crazy Roomie?
By Dirk Lazenby Sept. 24, 2018 Dear Shady Dealer, During some routine Facebook stalking I discovered that my soon-to-be-roommate is a podcast fanatic. I don’t want to be rude or close-minded, but…
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Four Freakish Stress-Induced Bodily Phenomena You Will Experience at This School
By Ella Hester Sept. 24, 2018 Chronic “Gym Bro” Syndrome Some experts say that exercise is an incredibly efficient stress reliever. But they weren’t conducting their studies here in The Upside Down!…
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University Bans Pornography from UChicago Secure
By Breck Radulovic Sept. 24, 2018 In a letter distributed to incoming first-years, the University of Chicago announced new penalties for students caught streaming pornography on university internet connections. The letter signed by…
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Seven Places You MUST Barf This O-Week
By Deblina Mukherjee Sept. 24, 2018 Navigating the University’s historic campus can be hard, especially during the hustle and bustle of O-Week! To learn your way around, here are the seven places…
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First Impressions: Writing a Bomb AF SOSC Essay
By Ella Hester Sept. 24, 2018 Look at you, in your little first year boots, squealing in terror about the impression you’ll make with your first SOSC essay. Have no fear, baby…
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How to Maximize Your O-Week Merch Haul
By Claire Holland Sept. 24, 2018 Hello, first years! We’re going to start the year with an important lesson: Contrary to what others may tell you, the goal of O-Week is not…
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America’s Most European Supermarket, Indeed: Treasure Island Files for Bankruptcy
By Chicago Shady Dealer News Desk Sept. 29, 2018 Treasure Island, a Hyde Park grocery store that touts itself as “America’s Most European Supermarket” took its emulation of Europe a step further…
