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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Lifestyle

    Which EIC Are You?

    Breck Radulovic / September 16, 2018

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    I Thoroughly Enjoyed Thanksgiving with My Family

    Breck Radulovic / November 19, 2015

    I had a great time in upstate New York with a few of my relatives this Turkey Day. Before dinner even started, Mom was already pretty upset because my seventeen-year-old brother, Kyle, told…

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  • Lifestyle

    Now That It’s Spring, I Should Probably Shave My Three Meters of Armpit Hair

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

      By Breck Radulovic May 13, 2016 Hello, spring, and goodbye Old Man Winter! It’s been a long one, and so I haven’t touched a razor since mid-October. But now that it’s over…

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  • Sports

    Biathlon Fever! The Olympics is Adding Shooting to Every Other Sport!

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

    By Breck Radulovic Feb. 24, 2018 Following public interest in the biathlon, an Olympic sport that combines cross-country skiing and rifle shooting, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) announced that all Olympic sports will…

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  • Lifestyle

    Five Ass Tattoos You Won’t Regret

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

    By Breck Radulovic April 23, 2016 1. An Outline of a Hheart- Turn your own ass into a dry-erase board of love!. Ask your lover to write in their initials with sharpie, and…

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  • Lifestyle

    Sexy Steve Irwin/Stingray Costume Pulled From Shelves

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

      By Breck Radulovic Oct. 10, 2016 Citing a brewing “outrage tornado”, Halloween Unlimited CEO Bart Robinson ordered his franchises to stop selling the popular “Sexy Australian Reptile Finder and Scary Pointed Sea…

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  • Off-Campus Life

    Area Subletter Fails Turing Test

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

      By Breck Radulovic April 20, 2017 Area Subletter Fails Turing Test Following her acceptance into a study abroad program in Vienna, University of Chicago second -year Allie Sullivan arranged to sublet her…

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  • Lifestyle

    Hot New Trend! Steaming Your Vag

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

    By Breck Radulovic Jan. 30, 2018 American actress and professional white woman Gwyneth Paltrow created quite the splash in 2015 when she promoted vaginal steaming, a controversial Los Angeles spa treatment. Personally endorsed by…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Bumper Sticker Space on Subaru Forester at a Premium

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

      By Breck Radulovic April 20, 2017 Bumper Sticker Space on Subaru Forester at a Premium Hyde Park resident Patty Nielson, aged 55, announced on Facebook that she is running out of room…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer,  World Affairs

    Climate Change PSA: Reindeer Can Fly, But They Sure as Hell Can’t Swim

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

    By Breck Radulovic Dec. 5, 2018 Baby, it’s cold outside! But not for much longer. Climate change is reaching the North Pole, and it’s not looking good for Santa’s reindeer. You’ve likely read…

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 Older Posts

Read It and Weep

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  • SSRIs Cure Great Depression
  • Say It With Me: Zero-Hours Contract is the Best Contract!
  • Automated Bobbin-Changing Equipment Threatens Job Security of 9-Year-Olds
  • Wilhelm Crashenblimpen Appointed Captain Of The Hindenburg
  • Alexander Hamilton Reviews Hamilton: “Wait, they did what?”
  • After Success Of First Novel, George Orwell Announces Publication Of “1984 2: This Time It’s Personal”
  • Stephen Cole Kleene Invents Formal Languages, Causing War
  • UChicago Admin in Panic Mode After Mysterious Disappearance of the Vitality Crystals

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