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US News Ranked Us #3 For a Reason: Here’s How to Pee and Poop at the Same Time
By David North Sept. 24, 2018 This year, in their annual college rankings, U.S. News awarded the University of Chicago a seven-way tie for third-best university. The University of Chicago consistently tops…
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Wrong Dungeon! How I Tried to Join a BDSM Group, Ended Up in a D&D Group
By Thomas Noriega Sept. 24, 2018 I was feeling a bit restless and my sex life was spiraling into abject boredom. Vanilla hookups weren’t doing anything for me and I’d masturbated to everything…
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New Residence Hall Located in Dean Boyer’s Tender Embrace
By Thomas Noriega Sept. 24, 2018 In response to the recent housing crisis at the University, College Housing has announced that, as of the 2018-2019 school year, students may apply to live…
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Humanitarian of the Year Will Show Dining Staff Respect, Courtesy Until Second Week
By Andy Hatem Sept. 24, 2018 Some start work before the sun is up. Others don’t leave until well past midnight. The work isn’t easy; staff are always on their feet, and…
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Man Sues the Sun for $385 Million in Cancer Settlement
By Jacob Johnson Sept. 24, 2018 In an unprecedented legal action, Bay Area resident Thomas Harshburger filed a complaint today against none other than the Sun, the well-known star orbited by planet…
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Three Reasons You Should Write for Us (The Chicago Shady Dealer) Instead of Posting in the Meme Pages
By Deblina Mukherjee Sept. 24, 2018 1. When people ask if you peaked in college, you will be able to unambiguously answer, “No!” Ah, the thrill of posting memes regurgitated from Twitter and…
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Don’t Miss This Deal! Housing Offers Three Roommates for the Price of One
By Andy Hatem Sept. 24, 2018 Trying to decide if you should stay in housing next year? Check College Housing’s site for a deal you won’t want to miss! In the past,…
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Dear Dealer: How Do I Handle my Podcast-Crazy Roomie?
By Dirk Lazenby Sept. 24, 2018 Dear Shady Dealer, During some routine Facebook stalking I discovered that my soon-to-be-roommate is a podcast fanatic. I don’t want to be rude or close-minded, but…
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Four Freakish Stress-Induced Bodily Phenomena You Will Experience at This School
By Ella Hester Sept. 24, 2018 Chronic “Gym Bro” Syndrome Some experts say that exercise is an incredibly efficient stress reliever. But they weren’t conducting their studies here in The Upside Down!…
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University Bans Pornography from UChicago Secure
By Breck Radulovic Sept. 24, 2018 In a letter distributed to incoming first-years, the University of Chicago announced new penalties for students caught streaming pornography on university internet connections. The letter signed by…
