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Donor offers 500 million to rename House Fuck
By Zoe Kaiser Oct. 8, 2015 A donor, who has elected to remain anonymous, has offered the University of Chicago 500 million dollars to rename one of the houses being moved to North…
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Pearson Institute Established to Resolve Global Conflict Between Econ Majors, Rest of World
By Breck Radulovic Oct. 8, 2015 News of a $100 million donation was well received, with both Economics majors and human beings with souls agreeing that the new Pearson Institute for the Study…
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Rattling Radiator Actually Maintenance Worker Trapped in Wall
By Grace Quigley Oct. 11, 2015 The search for Leo Fox ended late Thursday evening when the 43-year-old was found inside the wall of Maclean residence hall behind what was previously thought to…
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Panera to Stop Selling GMOs After Seeing Convincing Facebook Post
By Katie Zellner Oct. 12, 2015 After seeing a convincing Facebook post by his uncle, the Co-CEO of Panera Bread Sam Hockly has announced that his company will begin serving only 100% organic…
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I am Thankful for my Liberal Arts Education
By Katie Zellner Oct. 12, 2015 Since the dawn of man, there has been debate about the value of a liberal arts education and, as a University of Chicago alumnus, I just want…
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A Guide to Frat Parties
By Alex Hall Oct. 12, 2015 Frat parties can be a very confusing muddle for a first year. From the nonsensical assortments of Greek letters whichthatwhich constitute their names to the sweaty mess…
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Bernie Sanders Accidentally Sits in Audience during Democratic Debate
By Ashwin Rao Oct. 12, 2015 Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders was mysteriously missing from the stage at the first Democratic Presidential Primary Debate. The debate began with a camera pan to reveal that…
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Meet the Guy Who Likes Pot so Much He Smokes It in the Hospital
By Daniel Ruttenberg Oct. 12, 2015 Hey, stoners! Think you’re the head honcho? The pot pro? The marijuana master? Well, Cyrus Bellevue has you beat. This guy takes pothead to the next level.…
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First Year Hides Girlfriend from Parents
By David North Oct. 16, 2015 First-year Jack Bailey of Coulter House was seen trying to hide his girlfriend, first-year Amy Xuhao, from his parents when they visited last weekend. Bailey carefully avoided…
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Jim Webb Eats Large, Sloppy Sandwich
By Nik Varley Oct. 16, 2015 Viewers of last night’s Ddemocratic debate were surprised to see presidential hopeful Jim Webb eating a large, sloppy meatball sub throughout the event. Several minutes into the…
