CTA riders who spoke with the Dealer said the move would be life-changing. “I can’t tell you how much it means to me that only half my waking hours will be spent waiting…

“We’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and we’ve come to the realization that papal infallibility and unwavering submission to Rome are actually really cool.”

I really just wanted to put ‘Speaker of College Council’ on my LinkedIn.

According to Capitol Hill sources, McCarthy is currently meeting with the remaining twenty Republican holdouts. Large carts of pizza were wheeled into the meeting room, pushed by suspiciously scantily-clad male servers.

At a press conference following this monumental discussion section, leaders of Israel and Palestine were observed slapping their foreheads and continuously muttering, “Why didn’t we think of that?”

This is why we never come here for the holidays. You thought it would be such a great idea for the kids to watch Fox News instead of Dora the Explorer because it…

According to sources, the White House is considering apologizing to the Armenian-American community by promising an open dialogue that will happen sometime in the near, yet far future.

“For the next Prime Minister, the party wanted someone who was an outsider, who could talk at length on a subject without actually saying anything, and who could work for hours on a…

"The pound’s strong exchange rate with the Burgundy Dollar and the Crimson Dollar are encouraging, but that its persistent weakness against the Scarlet Dollar, the Carmine Dollar, and the Vermillion Dollar are cause…

“We see and hear our plants and animals around us going extinct: we’re going to accelerate that, so that our grandchildren and their grandchildren can have what we have today.”