“He’s a really great man. I really trust him," said President-Elect Trump. "He has great tastes, the best tastes. I wouldn’t trust any other vampire with my blood."

Rimmer, who had a higher GPA (normal and weighted) than you and an immaculate 36 on the ACT, was unfortunately rejected from the Electoral College because he lacked any experience with a major…

Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Walz, the token white guy of the campaign and grill master of the day, also made burgers, commenting, “At least I don’t use charcoal. Jeez Louise, let’s Pop…

In a dramatic display of national unity and bipartisanship, Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump announced on Monday that they had gotten matching tattoos.

“Just nailed a debate with a colleague,” Walz tweeted. “Love talking with you guys but I gotta leave now. We were gonna grab some drinks together after this whole thing.”

In a statement published shortly after the vote, more than two hundred members of the Bakersfield High School Class of 1983 wrote that the dramatic turn of events had left them with “egg…

"I'm honestly really stoked about the whole thing," said Bordeaux resident Marie Vignot (in French). "I've always wanted to visit another country but I also hate leaving my house, so this is really…

I am a journalist, goddammit. Sure, every once in a while I recklessly endanger 654,965 lives. Doesn’t everyone?

Another resolution under consideration by the General Assembly proposes a battle royale between all national leaders, with the winner crowned Emperor of Earth.