We at the Bureau of Undead Containment have recently received alerts of multiple sightings of “mushy grey-pink slush” in relatively isolated areas, which our scientists have confirmed are scattered brains.

Overjoyed second-year student Tyler Dinheiro bragged, “It’s only $50 for a criminal law internship in Atlantis. Of course I accepted immediately.” This amount of money is, in fact, incredibly low; most paid internships…

Glass found McBrownton on Craigslist, where he had posted an ad that read “HELP ME HELP ME PLEASE. I am a famous TV star.” Glass, who was reportedly “getting desperate” in the search…

Customer response has already been overwhelmingly positive. “I always try to get into the mood of the season,” said one customer sporting a plaid shirt, a corduroy jacket, another corduroy jacket, rain boots,…

Krispy Kreme’s wildly popular Insomnia Cookies, a staple of college campuses nationwide, received word Saturday that a new sheriff was in town. Or maybe not. Sometimes, at least. He tends to sleep in.

Anonymous tipsters claim that Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh, was seen at AEPI, a University of Chicago fraternity, during his last night on Earth. He is survived by a crumbling homeland Greek economy,…