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Shady Dealer Officially Broke; Turns to Shady Dealings
There have been reports of a copy editor selling solutions to MATH 15300 problem sets, an editor-in-chief selling amphetamines to underage students, and a deputy layout editor profiting from smuggling Russian gas into…
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UChicago Gambling Club Wins Big
“It’s well known that 99% of gamblers quit right before they win big. $10,000 is quite big, but $10,000,000 is even bigger”, UChicago Gambling Club president, Adam Rouletteman, stated after the victory.
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Model UN Becomes Too Powerful; Overthrows Real UN
Another resolution under consideration by the General Assembly proposes a battle royale between all national leaders, with the winner crowned Emperor of Earth.
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Heartbreaking! DU Invested Entire Fund Into FTX
Reports show DU members begging for Maroon Dollars outside the Reg to repay their debt, although no member responded to our request for comment.
