Campus Life

Heartbreaking! DU Invested Entire Fund Into FTX

After losing their charter from the Delta Upsilon national organization, the UChicago Chapter of DU recently realized that they had invested all of their funds into FTX. The Dealer spoke with Doug Karlson, a member of the Delta Upsilon fraternity, at his 56th street home. “Most of us are econ majors, so we thought our cumulative knowledge would probably be enough for us to make a boatload of money.” Karlson said before taking a sad sip of his Bud Light. “Sam did us dirty.” 

“We should have invested in NFTs instead. We’ve been advised that those are pretty safe long-term investments,” Karlson added. Reports show DU members begging for Maroon Dollars outside the Reg to repay their debt, although no member responded to our request for comment.

Many on campus are wondering how a frat full of economics majors had such poor accounting skills, but then again, everyone knows the smart economics majors are working at their father’s firm.