Heartbreaking! DU Invested Entire Fund Into FTX
After losing their charter from the Delta Upsilon national organization, the UChicago Chapter of DU recently realized that they had invested all of their funds into FTX. The Dealer spoke with Doug Karlson, a member of the Delta Upsilon fraternity, at his 56th street home. “Most of us are econ majors, so we thought our cumulative knowledge would probably be enough for us to make a boatload of money.” Karlson said before taking a sad sip of his Bud Light. “Sam did us dirty.”
“We should have invested in NFTs instead. We’ve been advised that those are pretty safe long-term investments,” Karlson added. Reports show DU members begging for Maroon Dollars outside the Reg to repay their debt, although no member responded to our request for comment.
Many on campus are wondering how a frat full of economics majors had such poor accounting skills, but then again, everyone knows the smart economics majors are working at their father’s firm.
9 And on the seventh day, God read Janice Raymond and repented not, saying, "Verily, this woman builds better than she knows," and so promised an Empire to the transgendered.
10 And as a sign, He sent the Star of Paektu to anoint the Christ-as-Supreme-Leader, whose holy lineage would rule until the final days.
11 For it is written that the rapture shall begin when the substance named estrogen be first administered in Pyongyang, and I am but the prophet who shares this news of great salvation.
