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7 Jokes Only Craig Will Understand
By Zach Augustine April 20, 2014 1. When Craig threw that Frisbee into oncoming traffic on the Midway. Hilarious! 2. Who could forget the infamous guacamole incident last winter at Jimmy’s? Craig seemed…
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Photoshopped Galaxy Sets Unrealistic Standards for Young Interstellar Matter
By Morgan Pantuck April 20, 2014 A young dust cloud at the grocery store with her mother sees a row of gossip magazines lining the checkout counter. She picks up a cover of…
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I’m So Pumped for Scab Hunt
By Morgan Pantuck April 20, 2014 When I applied to college, I toured a lot of impressive campuses. But UChicago was different. More exciting, somehow. Initially, I loved the intellectual atmosphere and “quirky”…
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Pope Courting Young Voters in Election Year
By Walker King April 20, 2014 Pope Francis made a series of campaign appearances yesterday throughout the Vatican, strongly reaffirming his commitment to seeking the youth vote in the impending Papal election, where…
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Christie’s Take from Internship Auction Tops Expectations
By Anna Newport April 20, 2014 Anxious parents flooded Christie’s on Thursday as the auction house staged its first internship bidding war. With record high numbers of applicants for Christie’s 2013 unpaid internship…
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Student Throws Pepper Shaker onto Balcony, Escapes Samsara
By Isaac Krone April 20, 2014 Bartlett Dining Commons was the site of a strange occurrence last Tuesday, when third-year Bret Stevenson escaped samsara during the crowded dinner rush. Bret was reportedly engaged…
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American Hero Remembers to Use Correct Pronouns
By Mary Vansuch April 20, 2014 University of Chicago freshmen was bestowed a MacArthur Award last Monday for accomplishing a truly extraordinary task: using his friend Alex’s preferred gender pronoun, “they.” When…
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Doctors without Boyers Embarks on First Mission
By Daniel Moattar April 21, 2014 The Pritzker School of Medicine’s inaugural Doctors Without Boyers expedition departed Hyde Park for the Republic of Somaliland today, becoming the first party of U.S. doctors to…
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Summer Plans Ambitious
By Evan Bernstein May 13, 2014 According to sources close to the naive second-year, Robert Kleinman is incredibly excited to begin his summer. According to information provided confidentially to The Dealer, Kleinman has…
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Zimmer Attacked by Mountain Lion
By Alex Dunlap May 13, 2014 Robert J. Zimmer was seriously injured last week after a run-in with a mountain lion outside his University Avenue home. According to reports, President Zimmer was fumbling…
