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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Romney claims he built his own teeth

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Report: 78% of Brita filter owners are the only ones who ever fill the damn thing

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Apple sues Pythagoras, claims triangle is half iPhone

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Straw Man Sick of Being Attacked All the Time

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Review: Wolfschmidt Genuine Vodka

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Romney/Ryan Fan-Fiction Hard for Campaign to Swallow

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Studying Student Shares Intimate Vertical Moment With Mansueto Window Washer

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Cyclists on Quad: “We just can’t get off our bikes”

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    University Classrooms Taken Over by “That Kid” Translations

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Arley D. Cathey Learning Center to become Arley D. Cathey Tropical Oasis

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
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