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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Campus Circles of Hell

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Jeb and Hillary Launch New Line of Cooking Utensils

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Mansueto Pregnant

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    People In Lounge Going to Pretend Kid Didn’t Just Fart

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Fuckboy Quits Scav After Failing to Find Clitoris

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    BREAKING: Your Lab Partner Said Oops

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    First Year Was Fun, But Not as Fun as Space Mountain

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    143 Likes on Facebook? This Wasn’t Worth Writing a Thesis For

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Area Student Fantasizes About Mean Course Evaluation

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Campus Life

    President Zimmer Requests Safe Space from Concerns of Students, Workers

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013
    read more
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