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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

read more
January 5, 2023
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Local Couple Announce Relationship has Been Cancelled

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    My Liberal Arts Education Has Been Incredibly Useful

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    White Male Econ Major from New York Goes Missing, No One Notices

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Lifestyle

    Now That It’s Spring, I Should Probably Shave My Three Meters of Armpit Hair

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Pro-Israel and Pro-Palestinian Students Agree on Two Campus Solution

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Retired Kentucky Derby Runner-Ups: Where are they now?

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    First Year Clearly Faking Hickey

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Area Man totally would have gotten that Goldman Sachs Internship had he applied

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    North Residence Hall Renamed Following Donation From Dickwad Fuckwit

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Late University Hieroglyph Researcher Leaves Extremely Confusing Will

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
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