Chicago Shady Dealer

Mansueto Pregnant

By Morgan Pantuck
May 14, 2016

The University is extremely pleased to announce that the Mansueto Library is currently expecting her first child. Rumors have been circulating for some time about Manseuto’s “[baby] bump,” and she finally gave direct confirmation at a press conference earlier this week, stating, “Yes, it’s true, I’m due in December.” When asked about the identity of father, Mansueto and Harper appeared to exchange longing glances before she quickly collected herself and named the Regenstein Library. When asked for comment, Harper simply glanced mournfully into the distance and accepted a cigarette from his longtime friend, Cobb.