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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

OI Renamed “Indiana H. Jones Institute of Academic Grave-Robbing”

In an effort to promote diversity, the Institute will showcase numerous artifacts looted and pillaged from cultures around the world.

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November 30, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Since You’re in the Market for a New Country…

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Improved Hygiene Lasts Three Days

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Five Questions I Would Ask My Doctor If He Were Still Answering My Emails

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    New Admissions Flowchart Announced

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    We Fucking Hate Pandas

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Help! The Moldy Banana I Accidentally Left in Storage Has Achieved Sentience

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    A Letter from the Editors

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Op-Ed: Porn is Worse Here

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Omance Goes Oorly

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Naughty: Venn Diagrams With a Third Circle

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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