White Male Econ Major from New York Goes Missing, No One Notices
By Liam Coles
May 13, 2016
First year and prospective economics major Bret Nicholson from New York went missing last week. No one noticed. Of the hundreds of other straight, white males from New York who are or planning on majoring in Econ, losing one really didn’t make a difference.
Bret was last spotted in a pair of Bean Boots and a button down, but several sources claim that it could have been literally any one else at the University of Chicago. Other reports found people who met his description to be nearly everywhere on the campus, besides the hard science buildings.
First year Raj Rao stated after hearing that he had gone missing, “Yeah, I thought he was this guy in my Hum section, but then I saw the guy in class the next day. So I guess he is some other straight, white, male Econ major from New York.”
If you have seen this white male from New York, probably wearing Sperry’s or some overpriced article of clothing from J.Crew, please inform the
UPDATE: The student in question Bret Nicholson was never actually missing. He was simply in the middle of the A level in the Regenstein Library studying for his midterms.
