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Editors in Chief

Nik Ochoa, Chase Teichholz

Managing Editor

Antonia Romm

Deputy Managing Editor

Katherine Timm

Layout Editor

Shayaan Gandhi

Photo Editor

Maddy Boneck

Copy Editor

Matilda Robinson

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

Campus Life, Favorites

Kid Makes Anaphylactic Shock All About Himself

Joseph Silverstein, a member of Johnson’s house, said, “Yeah, so while John went to the bathroom, I swapped his muffin with one that had peanuts, and, gosh, after hearing that…

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January 5, 2023
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

Visiting Parents Worried about the Cost of Three Weddings after Seeing Son Talk to Three Different Girls in His House

While parents Michael and Jessica Trout carefully budgeted for their son Timothy’s college expenses along with a single wedding, they were abruptly reminded that some costs simply cannot be anticipated…

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October 24, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

University Introduces New Way to Get Downtown: “Walk, Motherfuckers”

This option has been poorly received by undergraduates, as several would-be ‘motherfuckers’ told the Dealer.

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December 6, 2022
Chicago Shady Dealer, Favorites

UChicago Student Running From College Council

While the beginning of Spring Quarter has marked numerous announcements of ambitious students running for College Council, one student has decided to rival this long-standing tradition by running from College Council. Simon Jorgensen, a second year…

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April 19, 2021
Campus Life, Favorites

Math Department Discovers New Highest Number

A team of mathematicians at the University of Chicago have discovered a new highest number, a new paper reveals. That number, 87382, is nearly 2 higher than the previous highest…

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November 16, 2020
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Student Health Warns of New, Highly Addictive “Positive” Attitude

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Circle Jerk More of an Oval

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    25 Years Since 1990

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    7 Jokes Only Craig Will Understand

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Photoshopped Galaxy Sets Unrealistic Standards for Young Interstellar Matter

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    I’m So Pumped for Scab Hunt

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Pope Courting Young Voters in Election Year

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Christie’s Take from Internship Auction Tops Expectations

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Student Throws Pepper Shaker onto Balcony, Escapes Samsara

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    American Hero Remembers to Use Correct Pronouns

    Chicago Shady Dealer / March 16, 2013
    read more
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