Hyde Park — In the hyper-competitive culture of the University, students are quickly finding ways to cheat on COVID tests. Rumors say that UChicago’s Greek life organizations have stockpiled copies of old tests…

Hi there! We’re the sentient ghouls of Levi Hall. You might remember us as the minds behind all-time-great administrative emails like “No we won’t lower tuition”, “Something about Thucydides”, and “Here is a…

Don’t shower. Given that you haven’t gone outside in the past two weeks and haven’t seen anyone, this one might already be a given. Showering removes your body’s natural oils and “funk,” if…

Come on sweetie, you don’t look lactose intolerant! You’re not really lactose intolerant, you’re probably just faking so you get more bathroom breaks. Your poops are liquid? Like an old Philadelphia roll from Shinju, this…

“This is the first good decision he’s made on behalf of the black community,” said longtime Hyde Parker Marshall Jackson. “Now that he’s out of the race, I could see myself giving him…

The Boomers say cursive is dead. The millennials say cursive is useless. But I, a lonely sapiosexual, say cursive is life.   I like imagining the way cursive was invented. One day, someone…

What happens when a girl loves America’s pastime so much she insists that all of her dates be at sporting events? Lyricist Jack Norwood and composer Albert Von Tisler give us the answer…

What had previously been considered an un-losable skill, like riding a bike or swimming, has for the first time been proven to be losable. This past Monday, Ican Add became the first person…