Upon seeing that the student had an Android, however, the thief immediately returned all the student’s possessions.

Sanderson is to frat bros what Moses was to the Israelites. However, he’s not entering without first engaging the bouncer in a discussion on why taxation is socialism.

In a surprise move, the Registrar’s office has announced that they will be adding two new zeros to the ends of all course IDs, effective starting winter quarter.

Professor Hartwell went on to specifically stress that no one should engage in unethical acts online, especially the piracy of copyrighted textbooks.

Your least favorite student just got something wrong on a problem set? Guess they just got “ratioed.”

“William is a pretty quiet guy, except when our Self class starts talking about gender inequality. He sure has a lot of thoughts about gender inequality.” When pressed for details, second-year classmate Elizabeth…

Consumers should be aware that they are not suitable for those with plastic allergies, leaving rashes in awkward areas.

President Alivisatos announced at a press conference, ''We implemented this policy to protect our utensils. As a side benefit, we’re saving so much money on replacing lost silverware. Now, my giant mound of…

Already, some students are petitioning for “Babysueto” (as they’re calling it) to become the school’s new mascot. Administrators argue that Babysueto’s limbs are too complicated to fit on the academic crest, but this…

Once the walls of Woodlawn have been breached, UChicago Campus Housing will lead the remaining healthy students to the roof, where they will be airlifted to Stony Island. When asked about potential capacity…