Frank, dressed in all white and sporting a delightfully eccentric hat, reports being “born” in 2003 but “doesn’t feel a day over 60.”

Major in Biz Econ: What better way to prove your one-eyed trouser snake is well above average than by playing with coloring books all day?

Hallowed: Your last date looked like the girl from Jean-Luc Godard’s Breathless.

“I have good words! Humanities bad!” protested Pat Greeneberg, a Bio major.

Our sources have already received rumors of an underground Maroon Dollar trading poker ring operating under the Regenstein Library…

Typical texts include some combination of Shapiro, Davis, Reich, and Owens."

Unions are the only group which can negotiate for you: if you’re represented by a union, you’ll only have negotiating power as a collective rather than a super cool, maverick, lone wolf individual…

Youtube fan edit for the 90s classic Y Tu Mama Tambien.

Reports show DU members begging for Maroon Dollars outside the Reg to repay their debt, although no member responded to our request for comment.

“I try to sit with them at lunch but they’re always, like, so mean to me."