Campus Life

Moses! Danny DeVito! Your Dad! What Are the Chances That These Iconic Men Will Get Into Fiji This Saturday Night?

In order to fulfill its mission of enlightening the community, the Shady Dealer has ranked various men on their chances of getting into Fiji this Saturday night.

Your dad (hahaha, get it?) (5/10)

  • Just tell them he’s a pledge who’s been rapidly aging after pulling multiple all nighters in the Reg last week.

Moses (9/10)

  • As the Holy Book says:Then Moses stretched out his hand over the door of the frat; and the Lord made the DOOR into AN OPEN DOOR, and the waters were divided.”

Allen Sanderson (10/10)

  • Sanderson is to frat bros what Moses was to the Israelites. However, he’s not entering without first engaging the bouncer in a discussion on why taxation is socialism. 

Danny Devito (7/10)

  • This man is what every Fiji brother strives to be: 4’10” with a receding hairline and a little bit grumpy all the time.

RuPaul Charles (4/10)

  • Honestly…he’s probably not showing up because he has better parties to attend.