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University Bans Pornography from UChicago Secure
By Breck Radulovic Sept. 24, 2018 In a letter distributed to incoming first-years, the University of Chicago announced new penalties for students caught streaming pornography on university internet connections. The letter signed by…
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Two Second Years in Trench Coat Caught Sneaking into Alumni Beer Garden
By Breck Radulovic May 25, 2018 The Alumni Weekend Beer Garden is a tantalizing, esoteric myth among the University of Chicago’s undergraduate student body. The garden baffles college students, who do not yet…
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Admin Accuses GSU of Taking Free Speech Too Far
By Breck Radulovic and Dan Lastres Oct. 20, 2017 After years of successfully stymying grad students’ efforts to unionize, the administration was dealt a shocking defeat. Graduate students at the University of…
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Silly Bandz Craze Sweeps the Supreme Court.
By Breck Radulovic – Washington, D.C., 2010 May 5, 2018 Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg Shows of her Silly Bandz Wow! It’s 2010 and every middle schooler, stoner, and Supreme Court Justice is rocking…
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University Fails Mental Health Inspection
By Breck Radulovic May 5, 2018 Bartlett Dining Commons The University of Chicago failed an April 16 mental health inspection because of insufficient mental health resources, unsatisfactory support for those in need, and actively hostile…
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Pearson Institute Established to Resolve Global Conflict Between Econ Majors, Rest of World
By Breck Radulovic Oct. 8, 2015 News of a $100 million donation was well received, with both Economics majors and human beings with souls agreeing that the new Pearson Institute for the Study…
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President Zimmer Requests Safe Space from Concerns of Students, Workers
By Breck Radulovic June 8, 2016 In a statement regarding the pending disciplinary action against a student protester, President Robert Zimmer expressed his desire to keep the University of Chicago campus a safe…
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5 Perfect Moments that Will Never Top Leaving the Reg
By Breck Radulovic April 20, 2018 The Joesph Regenstein Library There are but few moments in life that will truly bring joy to the tortured human soul. Among them are winning a Nobel…
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Tragedy Strikes! Area Woman Only Has Enough Batteries to Power Her Remote Control, Vibrator, or Fire Alarm
By Breck Radulovic Oct. 17, 2017 Area woman Tricia Meyers became the unfortunate victim of a resource shortage when her supply of AA batteries fell below three. Meyers, 27, had just sat down…
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Botany Pond Ducklings Served at Fourth Meal
By Breck Radulovic April 20, 2018 4th Meal’s Latest Surprise Last Thursday’s Fourth Meal featured a very special menu item. We know what you’re thinking, but this time it wasn’t mozzarella sticks! To…
