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Masthead

Editors in Chief

Lena Birkholz, Jacob Halabe, Maisie Thompson

Managing Editor

Andrea Zhou

Deputy Managing Editor

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Deputy Layout Editor

Katherine Reynolds

Photo Editor

Zayna Cheema

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker, Katherine Reynolds

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Off-Campus Life

    Area Subletter Fails Turing Test

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

      By Breck Radulovic April 20, 2017 Area Subletter Fails Turing Test Following her acceptance into a study abroad program in Vienna, University of Chicago second -year Allie Sullivan arranged to sublet her…

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  • Lifestyle

    Hot New Trend! Steaming Your Vag

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

    By Breck Radulovic Jan. 30, 2018 American actress and professional white woman Gwyneth Paltrow created quite the splash in 2015 when she promoted vaginal steaming, a controversial Los Angeles spa treatment. Personally endorsed by…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer

    Bumper Sticker Space on Subaru Forester at a Premium

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

      By Breck Radulovic April 20, 2017 Bumper Sticker Space on Subaru Forester at a Premium Hyde Park resident Patty Nielson, aged 55, announced on Facebook that she is running out of room…

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  • Chicago Shady Dealer,  World Affairs

    Climate Change PSA: Reindeer Can Fly, But They Sure as Hell Can’t Swim

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

    By Breck Radulovic Dec. 5, 2018 Baby, it’s cold outside! But not for much longer. Climate change is reaching the North Pole, and it’s not looking good for Santa’s reindeer. You’ve likely read…

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  • Politics

    Jeb Bush Suspends Campaign to Become Inflatable Man outside Car Dealership

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

      By Breck Radulovic Feb. 18, 2016 Former Florida Governor John Ellis “Jeb” Bush has announced he plans to droppped out of the race for the presidency after weak performances in early primaries.…

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  • Campus Life

    How Short Is Too Short? Dressing for Office Hours

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

      By Breck Radulovic Aug. 28, 2017 When it comes to grading, it’s no secret that professors can be cruel, arbitrary, and entirely motivated by lust for their young, nubile students. So, how’s…

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  • Campus Life

    Waffle House Replaces Saieh Hall for Economics

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

      By Breck Radulovic March 26, 2017 University of Chicago President Robert Zimmer announced the opening of Waffle House, a 24-hour diner chain, at 5757 S. University Ave. at a press conference on…

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  • Politics

    What are Your Favorite Presidential Candidates Doing Over Winter Break?

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

    By Breck Radulovic Nov. 19, 2015 10. This holiday season, Jeb Bush will avoid appearing in any family photos. 9. In a break from Trump family tradition, the Donald will give Christmas presents…

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  • Campus Life

    University Bans Pornography from UChicago Secure

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

    By Breck Radulovic Sept. 24, 2018 In a letter distributed to incoming first-years, the University of Chicago announced new penalties for students caught streaming pornography on university internet connections. The letter signed by…

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  • Campus Life

    Two Second Years in Trench Coat Caught Sneaking into Alumni Beer Garden

    Breck Radulovic / March 16, 2013

    By Breck Radulovic May 25, 2018 The Alumni Weekend Beer Garden is a tantalizing, esoteric myth among the University of Chicago’s undergraduate student body. The garden baffles college students, who do not yet…

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 Older Posts
Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

  • Virtual Reality Game Sucker Debuts to Much Fanfare
  • Hear! Hear! Selling 10 Packs of Light Bulbs for the Low Price of $1500
  • UChicago Requires Library+ to Access Books
  • Point: We Should Increase Fire Drills/Counterpoint: Let’s Add A Gym Requirement Instead
  • Apply for the Royal Internship
  • Bridge Between Quad and Reg Somehow Collapses Despite Being Solid Road
  • “Back to Basics” Aims of Education Address Stresses, Shapes, Counting
  • In Addition to Fluoridated Water
  • Peer Mentor “Thrilled” for Group Meeting, Spends 45 Minutes on a Lonely Zoom Call
  • Some Motherfucker Broke the Woodlawn Study Room Window over the Summer, Haha!

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