Politics

Jeb Bush Suspends Campaign to Become Inflatable Man outside Car Dealership

 

By Breck Radulovic
Feb. 18, 2016

Former Florida Governor John Ellis “Jeb” Bush has announced he plans to droppped out of the race for the presidency after weak performances in early primaries. When asked about his plans following the end of his campaign, Mr. Bush declared his intention to seek employment as an Inflatable Breezy Geezer.

Also known as Sky Guys, the air-filled nylon tubes imitate a dancing man and are often used to advertise businesses such as discount furniture stores, used car dealerships, and struggling wholesale mattress suppliers. Bush will be the first former governor of a US state to pursue the profession.

At a press conference, Mr. Bush said, “Coming from such a well-respected political family, growing up there was a lot of pressure growing up to become the 45th President of the United States. I knew I would never have the sharp political acumen of my older brother, George, but. It wasn’t until now that I finally got the guts to say, ‘Hey Dad, Mom, this is your dream, not mine. I don’t want to get into the family business of bringing peace through ill-advised military force in the Middle East. What I really want is to be an air dancer!’”

Mr. Bush went on to explain that he feelslt like his well-honed skill-set of being able to constantly changeconstantly changing his appearance, manner of speaking, and campaign slogan to appeal to voters had prepared him to flail wildly in the wind for the benefit of a shadowyinister corporate overlord. At press-timetime of publishing, Mr. Bush had beenwas spottedeen by bystanders flinging his arms about in front of Koch Industries headquarters in Wichita, Kansas..

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