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Masthead

Editor in Chief

Merrin Seegers

Managing Editor

Lena Birkholz

Deputy Managing Editors

Maisie Thompson

Jacob Halabe

Layout Editor

Abby Beckler

Photo Editor

Emilio Rosas Linhard

Copy Editors

Justin Bilenker

Griffin Bonnin Jones

Aidan Jones

Andrea Zhou

 •

Deputy Layout Editors

Vangelis Psylos

Anu Vashist

Disclaimer

Did we hurt your feelings, or say something that “rings untrue” in your soft ears? Well you’re paying too much attention to what we said, and not enough attention to what we meant. God is God, the river is swift, and we don’t give a fuck.

Any complaints can be emailed to [email protected].

  • Arts & Culture

    How Tall Was Jesus Christ? We Asked Every Academic Department

    Andre Dang / October 7, 2022

    We built a really big neural network to predict people’s heights based on their faces, trained it on images of humans, and it told us that Jesus was either 3’2” or a golden…

    read more
  • Arts & Culture

    House Movie Night Just Sex Scene from Mulholland Drive

    Andre Dang / September 5, 2022

    “I like to think that Behar house has always appreciated the highest class of film, and as such, we wanted to pick something that would engage our residents."

    read more
  • Campus Life

    After Years of Confusion, PSI Decides to Just Become a Frat

    Andre Dang / August 12, 2022

    The new frat, officially named “PSI, no, not that one”, will begin recruiting in April in honor of Earth Day.

    read more
  • Campus Life

    Michele Rasmussen Declares That Frat Parties Are “Not Poggers” in Attempt to Connect with Youth

    Andre Dang / April 12, 2021

    Michele Rasmussen, in a strange yet brave attempt to quell the spread of COVID-19, released a statement today declaring that frat parties were indeed “not poggers.”

    read more
Newer Posts 

Read It and Weep

  • France and Peru to Trade Places for a Week
  • Op-Ed: Heartbreaking! Phoebe Bridgers Broke up With Her Boyfriend, Also on a Separate Note, My Parents’ House Is Being Foreclosed on and We Don’t Have a Home
  • Op-Ed: Journalism Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry
  • Copy of USG Announces Plan to Recount All Five Votes
  • Model UN Becomes Too Powerful; Overthrows Real UN
  • Econ Major Declares for NBA Draft, Cites Fact that Most Draftees Make Millions
  • Breaking: Class Day Speaker Bret Stephens Discovered to Be 7 Billion Bedbugs in a Suit
  • A Guide to Emotionally Preparing for Canvas Notifications
  • Zoo Animal Productivity at Record Low
  • Senioritis Overtakes COVID as Dominant Viral Infection on Campus

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